I Want to Know What Love Is

[Paimon]

12:09PM
MARCH 15th, 2012
THE LOVE NEST
REGAL NECROPOLIS
INFERIS

Ah, the Necropolis, the Big City, perhaps the most civilized town in all of Inferis' wastes. What poppycock. The crumbling edifices of a thousand thousand buildings mere hellish copies of the human world's London. It was boring, drab, and a sign of a lackluster mind with limited creative ability. At least, that was what Paimon told himself as he rode along the ash filled streets upon his grimacing camel. He told himself that the Devil's Spire and the sprawling cathedrals below it were the height of architectural brilliance; he told himself that even the piles and stacks of manila folders in his office were more impressive than this city. However, deep inside, he knew he was merely envious of Mammon, envious of the Archdemon's fiefdom and control and real power. He could not dwell on such things, however, as he was on a mission of great importance! A Health Inspection!

While pouring through his endless files in his Tesseract Office, Paimon found something interesting in his In Box. Apparently there had recently been a change over in the meat trade and the founding of a new mercenary organization all at once, and strangely enough, in the same location…a bar and, by the name of it, whore house called The Love Nest. How despicable. Such a thing was obviously in great need of an official inspection by Lucifer’s Office, one cannot be too careful in this era of dangerous tipping of scales. Although at the same time, Paimon felt that this might be a perfect time to go in and get a few more personal brownie points. Perhaps now Lucifer would pay him more mind…

With a voice that could boom for leagues, Paimon announced himself as soon as he entered the Necropolis, booming in that damnable Angelic that he still seemed too fond of spouting. “Bow low and cower, Children of Rot, I, King Paimon of the Spirelands, Adviser to Lord Lucifer, Keeper of the Codex Daemonum, I have come to lay the judgment of the great Overlord Lucifer before you!”

“Shut da fek up! Some o’ us are try’n ta sleep ‘ere!”

Paimon grimaced at his only response from a high window. He patted the side of Fulad-zereh and they were off down the streets at….at whatever sort of gallop a Camel can reach in hell. The creature had been grinding its teeth in a tizzy since they were approaching the Necropolis, but then again the beast had always been just as if not more temperamental than its  Earth-Cousins. Then again, given that any creatures in hell were likely of human origin, Fulad just might have been mad at the form his eternal punishment took. Nonetheless the creature bore his master faithfully down the many winding corridors of the Necropolis until they came to the gaudy neon sign proclaiming The Love Nest. Of course, since it was the middle of the day, it was merely so much glass tubing…

Paimon dismounted, with only minimal problems with his many jewels getting stuck to the camel’s reigns, and approached the bar on foot. In one hand he carried a clipboard that was bulging with parchments, in the other he fondled the dagger hung around his neck. As he was just about to announce himself again and walk through into the Nest itself, a rather large and intimidating hand came down upon his shoulder.

“Oi, what do you think you’re do’n buddy?  Try’n to get in without a look see at the list eh? Well ye’r not on it and ya best be mov’n on if ya don’t want trouble.”

Paimon narrowed his eyes and ticked a box off on his clipboard with a sharp ink covered fingernail before responding. “Take your hand from my person, knave, before I remove it entirely. I’ll have you know I am Lucifer’s Favored Vassal and I will not tolerate your insolence!”

[Lucrum]

Lucrum peered down from the stage as he took the microphone from its stand and snapped, his form changing to that of his mortal appearance. While the last song played was one for his more soothing voice, the next song wasn't so much on the seductive side of things. Through a haze of green and purple smoke, his face broke through just as the band kicked into gear, and he let out a hearty yell.

"I'm the son of rage and love," He started, guitar ringing between lyrics. "The Jesus of Suburbia, the bible of none of the above, on a steady diet of," The instrumental stopped, and for a short moment the incubus grinned devilishly at those watching below him, glasses held high.

"Soda pop and Ritalin," He took notice of the crowds outside moving to the side to let someone through, but continued the song regardless. As if he'd stop just yet for anyone anyway. "No one ever died for my sins in 'ell, as far as I can tell, at least the ones I've gotten away wit'!" Lucrum jumped down to a table with a single drinker sitting at it, and got in his face with the next line.

"And there's not'in' wrong wit' me! This is 'ow I'm s'posed t'be!" He slithered back and up the stage, clamping the microphone back into its stand as he continued. "In a land of make believe that don't believe in me!" At this point the crowd was pretty pumped, but he jumped down from the stage while the band continued on with the instrumental. Felt good to get some vocals out, especially at midday, but he could tell whoever it was coming in was getting ready to start trouble.

He overheard the hustle and bustle as he approached the door and tossed his jacket to the stool at the end of the bar. Guy looked pretty fancy, what with all his jewelry and whatnot. There were dollar signs in Lucrum's eyes instantly, presuming it was someone in need of his, or EDEN's, services. Well... Really, even his services were EDEN's now, but that was just as good, right?

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, boys, 'old on a sec." Lucrum pushed the bouncers' arms aside and walked out to get a better look at this guy. He said something about being here under Lucifer. The big man himself was sending blokes his way? "It seems my reputation's gotten 'round, eh? Come on in, but, uhh..." He looked the camel in the eyes momentarily, his own rather wide and freaked out from seeing a fucking camel in the Necropolis.

"Y't'ink ya could leave 'im outside?" He looked back up to the vassal, pointing idly to his steed. "Not t'be rude or anythin', we got a waterin' 'ole out 'ere."

[Paimon]

Just before things came to real blows, a voice called out and a demon pushed between the thick arms of the bouncer.   "Whoa, whoa, whoa, boys, 'old on a sec." And not a moment too soon, as Paimon was sure he could stop them from hurting him, he was fairly certain that the bouncers could still probably pick him up and throw him over a few roofs without trouble. The self-proclaimed Demon Major, brushed dust and dead skin cells from his outer robe and darted a glare at the bouncer before turning to Lucrum. “I would think these things would have more respect for an emissary from the Overlord. Lucrum’s attention however was not on Paimon but rather his camel. The beastly thing stared back into Lucrum’s eyes, fire and hate greater than all of hell burning in those brown orbs. It started to make a hideous snort and gurgle sound, as it prepared a cud loogie, but Paimon slapped it in the neck and forced it to swallow that foul concoction. “ Do you think me a barn raised human, sir? Away with you Fulad, go busy yourself elsewhere.

Casting another glare back, the camel trotted off, probably to trample some poor unsuspecting Demon Hunter somewhere, and soon was out of sight. Paimon, however, was very much in-sight and Lucrum might not have known exactly what he was getting himself into. Paimon flipped a few pages into his clipboard, ticking off a few items along the way, before locking eyes with Lucrum.   “ I have heard many things about your Establishment Mister…” He checks his clipboard with a raised eyebrow, “Rotten. And it has come under His Majesty’s keenest interest that it should be thoroughly inspected for quality. Both as an established hub of trade and as the gathering place for soldiers of fortune. Thus he has sent me, Paimon of the Thrice Gilded Crown, as his official representative. Know that all I see here shall be reflected upon by His Judgment. “

[Lucrum]

"Oi, well come on in, Paimon, get a look around." Lucrum turned around and gave a sour look after his face was out of sight. Expression back to normal, he looked over his shoulder and waved for the other demon to follow him in. "Everyt'in' should meet standards. Fire exits are a given considerin' some of the blokes who come in and out of 'ere."

He assumed the man to be behind him, and so he firstly stepped behind the bar and patted Barkeep on the shoulder. He whispered something about Lucifer and an inspection, but nothing which could be overheard by those around him. Nodding, the skeleton straightened his  monocle and went to scrubbing clean a few off-sorted glasses.

"Can I get ya a drink? It'd be free considerin' who y'are and all." He reached over and grabbed his personal flask. With a swig from it, he lifted a finger and hastily swallowed, a point wanting to escape. "Right, right, EDEN. Yeah, this is where we 'ave our meetin's and get our trade in. Vic's passin', a shame it was, but we've been keepin' the meat in circulation, no worries there." He let out half a chuckle at mention of Vic. Old news was just that, but being able to get a hit on his head out the window so easily? Yeah, that was funny.

[Paimon]

The haughty demon peered over his checklist at all of the various patrons and sights of The Love Nest. Was that…was that peanut shells crunching under his feet? FOR SHAME His eyes glanced momentarily towards the stage, noting the foot prints upon a few of the table in front of it. HOW RECKLESS There were indeed fire exits as Mr. Rotten had pointed out…but was that drunken demon taking a leak beside it?! WHAT BARBARISM! Paimon’s scribbling didn’t seem to stop until they had come up to the bar, where Paimon set eyes on the monocled barkeep. Well…at least this fellow seemed nice and bleached…but when was the last time that cup rag was cleaned?! OH SHIT SON

Paimon was about to open his mouth to say something haughty, crude, and probably stupid when Billie Rotten offered a free drink. Now while Paimon didn’t normally drink, as he could hold his alcohol about as well as his camel could hold gas, being offered something free was a sign of great respect right? It totally was, it was a sign that Paimon had this guy backed up into a corner and he was going to try to buy and sleeze his way into his favor. Perfect! This was exactly what Paimon dreamed it would be like and he decided then and there that he was going to start running Health Inspections more often and get himself some sort of trophy or badge as a thank you to himself for such a devious idea.

Clearing his through, Paimon nodded towards Billie and the Skeleton. In an act of…kindness, he laid down his clipboard on the bar, face down of course, and smiled…which was perhaps about as gaudy as the rest of him, being composed of obsidian –like shards inlaid with gems of various colours. “Well, Mister Rotten, if you are being so generous then it would be a dishonor upon my name and the name of Lucifer himself for me not to partake. Something…light and fruity would do, I am not in the business of getting intoxicated while on the job.”

[Lucrum]

"Light an' fruity?" Detestable implications those were, how dare this man even dare insinuate that such would be served here! Didn't he know just who Billie Rotten was? If he didn't, he was going to learn. "Now you listen 'ere!"

He stood atop the table and yelled out to the patrons to listen up. Waving an arm, the band started up, and the incubus giggled magically as he changed form once more. The band began to play violin, piano, oh how beautifully their notes clashed. Lucrum transformed, a fine, glowing, flowing white mist pouring about him.

"Myyyy band of soaks," He floated down and pressed his face against a large demon sitting closest to the bar. "My den of dissolutes," He fluttered his eyelashes, his voice seemingly saddened. "My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts. He giggled as he rose back up and floated higher up, pointing to Paimon.

"My sons of whores, spend their lives at my bar." Those weren't the words, but he knew how to play with what he had going. Still, at that last line, the demon waved his arms around as if to show just how many were there. "Job the jobless, gettin' far." The crowd chuckled among themselves as Lucrum descended and patted the face of Lucifer's servant.

"They flyyyyyyy through my doors!" He ascended once more, spinning as he did so. "And crawl out on all fours." The entire bar was suddenly in an uproar of laughter. Lucrum really hoped this guy would respond well enough to the musical massacre. After all, what sort of bar didn't know how to have fun? Lucifer wanted to shake them down with a two-faced stick in the mud? He should have known much better. Or maybe, just maybe, this was the big guy's way of disciplining his subordinate.

[Paimon]

Paimon was…well disgusted to say the least at the actions being performed before him. What were these creatures? Demons or pigs?  However as the music played and the notes flowed, Paimon almost couldn’t help but to tap his foot along to the tune…those damnable incubi and their ability to prod those little weaknesses. Paimon could have sworn that he had heard the lyrics before, but never with such…cadence…such deliciously fine crafting of notes. If he were a demon of lesser class he would….

The Skeleton barskeep placed a small shot glass in Paimon’s hand, a blue flame dancing on top of it. The golden demon, not particularly paying attention downed the glass and went back to staring at the spectacle. The barkeep, just following the will of his master, kept the shots flowing as Paimon’s attention became more and more waylaid as the alcohol quickly took charge. Lucrem…knew exactly what he had been getting into. Perhaps that’s why Lucrem was leading a band of ruthless terrorist mercenaries while Paimon was filling out paperwork that Lucifer could really care less about. Then again, the night was still young….wait…it was only half-passed noon!

Paimon hiccupped, his face was red and sweat beaded up across him as he smile hugely. A talon like finger went into the air, splattering ink about, as he started to rock slowly back and forth to the rhythm. Wa…aaait! I know ‘dis song….Mastah O’ da ‘Ouse! Doll’n out da charm! Hic!” Somehwere, inside of Paimon’s skull, a miniature version of himself was repeatedly stabbing at his brains, screaming obscenities known only in the deepest pits of Hades. And yet, Paimon staggered and moved, waylaid and drunk from his mission. Surely Lucifer wouldn’t mind if he enjoyed himself once in a while right? Damn..that crown sure is heavy….Why am I wearing all of these clothes? Where’d I park my damn camel?

[Lucrum]

Lucrum floated down next to Paimon. My my, the song really had lightened him up it seemed! Very good, indeed. The incubus ran a nail along the other demon's shoulder. A short chuckle escaped his lips as he watched the drunker of them act a fool. Oh yes, he did enjoy the game of anarchy sometimes. Lucrum proved time and time again that even those who famed themselves as diplomats and visionaries could be brought down to a much darker level with some work.

"See, we're not all that bad, eh?" He passed the last shot glass to Paimon himself before he signaled to Barkeep to stop the drinks. Didn't need this guy to make it home just to piss Lucifer off. No, he just needed him drunk enough to pass the bar on whatever grounds had been established here. Was there even reason for health codes in Inferis? The place was hell for a reason.

"So, 'ow's about y'just mark us down right as rain, get a drink for the road, and call it a day?" The tempter batted his eyelashes innocently. What would look ridiculous on his mortal form actually passed off quite well while in his true, demonic body. Cutesy, yet extremely suggestive, as the act was, it would more than likely be just as much persuasive. And if it wasn't? Well...

Lucrum would just have to try harder.

[Sponsored content]