PERKELEET!! D< (Kraith and NPC Demon Tar Babies, and Open)

[Kraith the Hipster]

January 25, 2012

Ah, such a pleasant day it was for the hipster kingqueen, strolling casually down the streets of the tar pits. Wait. Did the tar pits have streets? It glanced down to check. Ehh... Kinda. Sticky streets. Which hadn't really affected Kraith until now, actually, it really hadn't noticed how sticky the streets were until it'd glanced down... Freaky, but kay. At any rate, Kraith had deemed today to be a very good day for... Well, it had no idea what it was going to do today, or why it was even outside of the Black Sea at all. WHO KNOWS WHAT MAY BE LURKING IN THE TARPITS!? Not like Kraith cared anyways.

So as it was, the gender-ambiguous demon sipped casually at its triple-and-a-half-shot frappacappolatte cocoa, with four teaspoons of sweet-n-low and one teaspoon and a quarter of sugar. It had taken way too long to find a good coffee shop that actually had everything it wanted, that WASN'T filled with lame mainstreamers. Eighteen days, actually. MUCH TOO LONG. But that was fine, at least now it had his cof-

And as it pondered over the pleasantry of actually having found drinkable coffee, everything changed to slow motion, as its foot caught on a lump in the road. It fell slowly, a horrified "NOOOOOO" silently embedded onto its face, as the hard-earned caffeinated beverage slowly flew from its hand, Kraith rising into a kneeling position as the flying coffee collided with the round, styrofoam shattering, splitting, and pouring the lukewarm liquid all over the ground. What... What had CAUSED it to fall!?

As it glanced down, its eyes narrowed at a semi-adorable lump of tar in the road, hidden by the tar ON the road. A Tar Baby... Kraith could take this little brat! "Oi, ya little perkeleet! Do you blokes even know whose coffee ya just spilled!?" Oh yeah. Someone* was going to pay...

*Someone, in this instance, probably refers to Kraith... Po' thang.

[NPC Demons]

The Tar Baby. Quite the excellent plaything for most demons, having little-to-no actual combat experience or abilities to utilize in the slightest. Still, in numbers they could be pretty annoying. That is the main reason why when you stumble upon or, in Kraith's case, trip over one, there are many more where it came from. Many, many more.

As his foot came crashing into the oozy blob of a thing, it let out a small shriek of pain, hurriedly rolling to the side and looking up at the other demon. The minuscule creature glared back at him as he spoke, trying, and failing, to use its own ability against it. There were just some people who never learned. None were as skilled at reading the thoughts of others and generating half-assed insults as the Tar Babies!

"Perkeleet? Blokes? That's plural, where were you even taught Finnish, ya sack of shit? I was the one that spilled your caffeinated garbage!" The demon bounced up and down angrily as it spoke, its hateful glare never leaving it. The words didn't stop there, however, as the other two of the critters slithered to their brother's side. Brother, of course, being less of a literal term to them, and more so that they share the same species.

"Yeah, who do you even think you are comin' into the 'pits with that attitude? Go back to The Black Sea, maybe Leviathan can make some use of you as a chew toy!" The three of them giggled at one another before revealing sharp toothed grins at the lone hipster. The last to speak added, "You wanna fight somebody? Why don't you go argue with your sister over who has the better music taste? Or maybe somebody who even knows that Steampunk-Thrash-Grind even exists?"

[Kraith the Hipster]

Psh. Anybody can successfully curbstomp a tar baby. They're like, THE soccer balls of Inferis! Meant to be kicked around! And Kraith would, on this day, be the one to kick them around! Or so it thought... As it happened, however, the angrily glaring little brat... Who was joined by a few more little brats. THUS MAKING ITS PLURALNESS CORRECT! EVEN IF IT WAS JUST ASSUMING IT WAS A NUMBER OF THEM, SINCE IT WAS SO OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR THAT ONE COULDN'T HANDLE TAKING KRAITH DOWN. Ah, and then they dared INSULT the queeng of all things snooty and bad in taste!? "HEY, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I ASSUMED YOU WERE GOING TO GANG UP ON ME, YA BRAT. AND I WAS RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE I'M JUST PSYCHIC, HUH, VITTU?" Yeah! Did the little punks ever think of THAT!? Kraith could have already known about the other two for all they knew.

Ahh, he hated Tar Babies. No class, none of them! Just little turds that pester people. "And I'll have you know, I learned Finnish in perkeleen Finland, moron." Unfortunately for Kraith, however, it was well aware of the repercussions of what it was doing, but the hipster would STILL argue with the Tar Babies, going further and further into the rabbit hole.... Soon enough, the other two snuck up, flopping next to their sibling, defensively, should Kraith attempt to... Well, um... Nevermind that! Rule #2 of the universal playbook for confrontations; "I will always cross that bridge when I get to it." Even if that WAS written by Kraith, it still counts! No matter, as it prepared for its rebuttal, the Tar Babies were a moment faster, getting in a rather snappy remark before Kraith could so much as get out its own commentary; said commentary happened to have been the phrase, "OH YEAH, WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT A DEAD BABY." Yeeeeaaah. Tact. Kraith lacks it.

THEIR insults, however... Kinda left Kraith busted, with no real way around it. Besides using less cleverness and more bait-grabbing!~ "Hey now, that's not very nice! Leviathan said I taste like utter garbage last time, and swore never to attempt it again! I don't make a good chew toy anyways, I don't squeak. AND I CAN GO INTO ANY BLOODY PLACE I WANT, I'M KRAITH, RULER OF THE HIPSTERS!" AT their next insult however, Kraith could only roll its eyes, with a hand to its forehead. These things were driving the genderless demon INSANE. -Er. Psh. Obviously, I do! And furthermore, I'll have you know, steampunk-thrash-grind is mainstream now; four other people have heard of it besides myself, including the only person who makes such a genre of music! So cliche..."

[NPC Demons]

The little demons giggled, rolling along the ground in the hilarity of this tool. Who did this thing think it was, a damn queen? It spoke to them in such regality, yet it knew not of anything it spoke of. Or, so it seemed to them anyway, the absurdity of such a response bringing them nearly to tears. Pathetic, that was the only word that came to mind, and so they jumped around the larger demon chanting the phrase over and over.

"Bet he doesn't even know who Kurt Cobain is!" One of them chimed as they continued their little show, two other Tar Babies hearing the commotion and hopping over to join in. "And that guy's been living in Inferis for years!" Their uproarious laughter echoed throughout the Enclaves, other animal-like demons stirring at the noise. One group in particular was growing highly annoyed at the disturbance to their nap.

This particular school of Tar Fiends had just eaten roughly two hours before, and made the decision to rest for a moment. Their peace stripped from them, the largest of them let out a shriek of rage. At this the Tar Babies continued to laugh, but hopped away rather quickly. Now the only one left standing there, where the noise that disturbed Legion's hounds had come from, was Kraith.

The eight of them gnashed their many teeth as they squirmed along, their piercing red gazes locked on the Hipster. He would pay for waking them! IT WAS THEIR RIGHT TO NAP HERE, AND NO ONE WOULD TAKE SUCH THINGS AWAY. Ooo, and it looked like he had spilled them a drink as well, how generous of their next meal to come prepared.

[Kraith the Hipster]

Did they just...? THEY JUST SAID IT DIDN'T KNOW WHO KURT CORBININE WAS!? Actually, they said it didn't know who Kurt Cobain was, but that's just how little it knows who he is. Kraith snorted, before scoffing, waving them away with its hand. "Like I even care who this Carbino guy is! I bet he's a mainstreamer! And I don't deal with mainstreamers, ya little perkeleet." Hmph. Who were THEY to mock IT, anyways!? Little bratty pests. It'd have exterminated them, all mad-crazy quick-like, except that's not the hipster's way; fighting is so mainstream.

But it seemed he'd have to do the mainstream thing soon enough... A loud noise sounded, and he saw as eight tar fiends approached. "...I am so screwed..." Turning back, it glanced to see if there was any escape, and there WAS, kinda, but it was across a big puddle of EVEN MORE TAR. And it was a little bit more afraid of what could be in there than what was here...

"So, ya little brats, do you wanna watch the most elite of the elite in action? Grab some popcorn, use some raddish-and-tapioca seasoning, and let your minds be blown!" And praying they wouldn't attack it yet, Kraith stepped forward, facing the demons, as it swallowed a bit of its pride, and its FEAR.

Euuugh. The taste of tar swole up in its mouth, THOROUGHLY DISGUSTING, but it'd have to do. As if hocking up a loogie, Kraith let it build, until SPIT. A spray of sticky tar shot out, to cover the demons. Which may or may not have WORKED, given they're kind've already made of tar... But hey, what else could it do?

"Tar fiends are so mainstream..."

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